Because I Want You
by Sakura Camui
Summary: Ed gets a little more than drunk and makes a mistake. Yaoi. Elricest! Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

_**Because I Want You**_

_part one_

Ed stared through his shot glass as he rested his head against the countertop of the bar.

"Had enough yet, Edward?"

"Nope." Ed replied without looking up, waiting for the bartender to fill up his glass again. Shaking his head, the other man did so, eyeing the blonde somewhat curiously.

"What **are** you running away from?"

Ed downed his new shot silently, his mind off in another place. The bartender sighed in exhasperation and walked away when another customer called for him. Rolling his eyes, Ed laid his head down on the bar again. He wasn't sure all the alcohol in the world could make him forget his brother. He still was thinking of those gorgeous dark golden eyes, and his sweet-smelling strawberry blonde hair. But at least the drunker he got, the less guilt he felt. It still welled up a bit inside him now, all those feelings. All those words. _Shouldn't. Can't. Sick. Strange. Unnatural. _Everything he was, he felt, everything he knew he couldn't change about himself. In all truth, it was getting harder and harder every day to keep pretending, to keep up this facade. Al had to notice that almost every time they touched by accident, Ed's heartbeat picked up, and his face turned a little pink. Or the fact that he refused to let his little brother sleep in his bed anymore, even though sometimes Al came to him in the middle of the night after he'd had a bad dream. He was afraid. He was afraid of himself, afraid of what he'd do to Al in that situation, and he didn't want to hurt his brother. Above all else, he wanted to protect him. And having Al next to him in bed ... he just wasn't sure he could stop ...

Ed banged his head into the bar, with somewhat of a sigh, motioning for the bartender to return again. He was definitely going to be at the bar awhile if he couldn't get those thoughts out of his head. This time, he ordered something stronger.

--

Al nervously looked at the clock and paced back and forth in his room. Ed had never been this late before. Not to mention, his brother had left when he was asleep, and without saying where he was going, or even leaving a note. And he knew Ed almost always got into some kind of trouble when he was out. He fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt nervously, looking out the window. Al was getting almost to the point of hysteria when he finally heard the door click open. He ran out of the room and down the steps.

"Brother!"

Ed shakily leaned against the table in the entranceway. He had managed to kick off his shoes but had not yet removed his coat. Ed looked up, finally hearing his brother's voice and burst into giggles. Al looked mostly horrified, making Ed outright laugh.

"Ed this isn't FUNNY! I was really worried about you!"

As his brother kept laughing, Al drew a bit closer. "Y-you're drunk!" he exclaimed, smelling the alcohol on Ed.

Ed wiped the tears that were in his eyes from laughing, finally shrugging off his jacket and letting it drop to the floor. His laughter slowed a bit.

"Bingo, little brother." he stumbled past Al, patting him on the head as he went by. Ed made it to the steps before falling to his knees and laughing once again. Al rushed over, genuinely worried about Ed and tried to pull him to his feet.

"... Let's get you to bed."

"Mmm ... sure, Al, sounds great." Ed grinned at him, leaning on his brother as they went upstairs. Al turned bright red at Ed's words and said nothing else. He struggled a bit, but finally got Ed into his room, and onto the bed. As Ed fell back against it, he accidently pulled Al down with him. Al's face turned even more red as he found himself on top of his brother.

"Ah, Brother, I'm sorry, sorry." Al tried to get up to run off but found himself caught in his brother's embrace. "Ed? What ..."

"Don't go yet, Al."

"B-but ... I thought you didn't want ... me ... in here ..." Al shivered nervously.

"It wasn't that ... I just ... well. You know, Al ..."

"What? Know what?"

"I really do like you ... love you ... more than anyone ..."

"Anyone?! Brother, wait, what are you saying? You're drunk, stop it." Al's voice went down from a loud protest to a soft, unbelieving voice.

"Do you feel the same way? Is that it, Al?"

"I ... I mean ... Brother ..." Al's voice now lowered to a soft whimper of confusion. He couldn't tell if Ed was serious or just completely smashed.

Ed held Al a little tighter to him and kissed him gently, feeling his brother relax in his arms and almost melt into the kiss. Al even seemed to kiss him back a little, somewhat unsure of himself but still seemed willing, so Ed made the kiss deeper. This time, his brother made a soft noise against his lips, and Ed tightened his grip on Al's shirt. But even so, Al quickly was pushing him away, trying to escape from his arms.

"Brother, no ... I can't ... you don't mean what you say, you're just ... no ..."

"I ... oh ... Al, I'm sorry ..." he released Al, and watched his brother's back disappear out the door. Ed heard Al's door slam shortly after that and he let his head drop back against the bed again. Even through the shut door, he could hear his brother's soft sobs. Almost none of this actually seemed real to him as he soon drifted off into some form of sleep, his mind too hazy and too tired to even know or realize what he had just done.

--

_to be continued ..._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Because I Want You**_

_part two_

Al woke up the next morning curled up in his bed. He sleepily lifted his head and looked at the sunlight coming in his window. The night before came back to him in a flash and as his stomach turned, he buried his face back in the pillows. It was true that he had always wanted to hear Ed say those words, but not when he was drunk. And why had his brother been drinking in the first place? It was so unlike him. For all Al knew, Ed could have been talking about someone else and not him. Someone ... ... Al shut his eyes tightly to try to stop any tears from falling, and clutched his pillow a bit tighter. He never really wanted it to come to something like this, he didn't want to have to face the truth or whatever it was that he was avoiding. He was almost happy not knowing how his brother felt about him. Almost happy ... but still. He could have just kept on living in denial, pretending everything was okay, and that he was normal. But not now.

Al jumped as he heard a knock on his bedroom door. It was really soft, and he almost wondered if he had imagined it, when he heard another weak one. Ed's voice came through the door but it was barely audible. "Al ... Alphonse ... are you awake?"

Al heard an emotion in Ed's voice that he hadn't heard in a long time. His brother was actually sounding _sorry_ for once. Al frowned anyway, sitting up and glaring at the door. "... Yeah, I'm up."

Ed tried to turn the handle and found it wouldn't open. "Can I come in ... please?"

"Why, Brother? Do you plan to--"

"Al!" Ed cut him off, yelling through the door. Al heard somewhat of a thunk against the door, meaning Ed was leaning into it. The younger alchemist sighed, knowing his brother wasn't in the mood for snappy sarcastic remarks right now. Al really knew that from the sound in his voice earlier. He got up and slowly went to unlock the door. Ed pushed open the door slightly, sliding in before Al got any ideas about shutting it again.

Al backed up a bit, but held his brother's gaze. "If you're here to talk about last night, you mightaswell leave now, because there's nothing for you to explain." Ed just stared as Al backed away even further from him. "You didn't mean what you said, so we can just leave it at that. I'm sure you didn't mean to say ... it to me ... anyway ..." Al's once confident voice dropped off softly towards the end.

"Say _it_? Say what? Al, damnit. I can hardly remember anything about last night. I can't remember anything I said or really did apart from ..."

"... you don't even **remember** what you said to me?! That's just great, Edward." Al sat back down on his bed and put his head in his hands.

There was a heavy sort of silence for awhile before Ed spoke up again. "I remember kissing you, but that's all." More awkward moments of silence passed. "And ... and I just wanted to apologize, Al, I know it was wrong, and I know you probably hated it and I'm really sorry."

Al still didn't speak and instead turned bright red. No, he hadn't exactly hated his brother's kiss at all. He had actually somewhat liked it. But still, he was just drunk so it didn't mean anything, therefore ...

"Al?"

Ed's voice disrupted his continuous thoughts. "Uh ... oh. It's not that ..."

"I'm sure it was gross and I never-- wait. What?"

The younger alchemist's anger and confusion melted simply into nervousness and embarassment now. Ed noticed him fiddling with the bottom of his shirt, a nervous habit Al had since he was a kid, one that Ed secretly loved. It was just another quirk about Al that only he really knew, another thing that just made him more endearing. Ed waited patiently for his brother to gather his thoughts and speak, instead of coaxing him to talk.

After a deep sigh, Al finally let it all spill out. "Last night, you said you loved me more than anyone and kissed me. And I wouldn't have minded ... I actually would have been happy ... but you were drunk ... I mean ... for all I know you could have been thinking you were talking to the other Alfons ..."

"I said ... and you wouldn't mind? And ... oh." Ed let this sink in before trying to speak again. "If I said that ... no. I wasn't thinking of Alfons. I was thinking of you because I have wanted to say that to you for a long time. I just didn't because I didn't believe you felt the same way, and I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to ruin what we have now, Al. Because if you left me I just don't know ... I don't--"

"Brother, I would _never_ leave you. I can't. You know that." Al finally got up and went across the room, wrapping his arms around his brother without hesitation. It was only a few moments before he felt Ed's arms around him as well and he snuggled more into his brother. Al spoke, his voice muffled against his brother, but Ed was pretty sure he heard it. "I love you, Brother."

Placing a soft kiss on the top of Al's head, he smiled and breathed in that familiar sweet scent of his brother's strawberry blonde hair.

"I love you too, Al."

--

-_Omake_-

Al: -bonks Ed on the head after that-  
Ed: Ouch! What was that for?  
Al: You're not going anywhere near alcohol again!  
Ed: ...  
Al: I'm serious.  
Ed: ... What if you come with me next time?  
Al: EDWARD!  
Ed: I was kidding, really!


End file.
